Sunday mood on a Friday night

I feel so lonely. And I can't really tell anyone. It seems as if nothing is working out properly. I've been in England for almost 2 weeks now and I neither have a job nor a room. But that's not everything.. I had problems with the interview for the national insurance number, my bank account application at Barclay's has been declined, to activate my account at Lloyd's I have to transfer 1500 pounds which I don't have, the room in the house share I really fancied has already been rented and I'm in love but unfortunately not happily at the moment.. I just don't know why it has to be that complicated.. I'm in London, I'm supposed to be excited and have fun and go sightseeing and see gigs and go to clubs, meet people... But instead I'm sitting in the lounge of the hostel again.

Loneliness is better when you're not alone. But Anna, the Finnish girl, is with a friend who's visiting her from Finland and Emily, the American girl, went to see a play in a theatre round the corner. My friend Anna is at home and doesn't want to go out cuz she's moving into her flat tomorrow morning. To distract me from my own thoughts, I was watching “Trainspotting” on my laptop in my room. But I'm quite down at the moment and it's probably no good idea to be on my own in a dark room watching movies. I wanted to call someone but I was looking through all my contacts and I didn't know who to call. I don't want people to worry about me. I don't really want to talk to them as long as I don't have a room or a job or something positive to tell. So I went downstairs to get online and talk to some friends to feel better but the internet connection isn't working. Only on my computer, all the others are online. It seems like I haven't been very lucks recently.

Emily is coming back in about an hour, I guess. We might go downstairs to grab a few pints. Cuz I don't really fancy another night out. I was a bit hungover this morning and I'm just not in the mood to go out. Furthermore, I have to get up quite early tomorrow to check out from the hostel, get my stuff to Anna's and hopefully get to Bow on time to have a look at another room. Maybe I'll just watch another movie with Emily.. I'll see.

Anna, Emily and me have been to the Camden markets this afternoon. It was really nice and there were some really cool vintage clothes but I can't afford to spend any more money as long as I don't have a job. But I need to find a room first so I know where to look for a job. I don't want an hour journey every day just to get to work. Or even more. To avoid that, I thought I'd wait with the job hunting until I found a room. But if I don't find an accommodation soon, I might have to get a job no matter where it is..

I have a bad conscience cuz I haven't really been flat or job hunting in the last two days. Maybe I subconsciously relied on the room in Poplar too much.. They wanted me to come over again this weekend to meet the third housemate. But they didn't even tell me the room has already been rented until I asked them when to come. I'm disappointed. And I shouldn't be so naïve to think I get the room only cuz we had a nice conversation.. They're probably just being polite and talking like this to everybody.

I don't want to be here at the moment. I'm just not happy. I'm not homesick, that's not it. Anyway.. As soon as I've settled, I'll be okay. Don't worry!

Cheers!